22.

Its been a while since I've blogged about my feelings and I feel it fitting to write as I sit in my dark cosy room listening to the wind and recollecting all my happy memories from the day passed. Yesterday was my birthday, a day I usually dread because I spend way too much effort and money planning a buoyant bash I never really enjoy. My birthday parties in the past have always had a theme, a lengthy guest list and a lot of running around trying to be a successful host. This year I took a different approach, not because of some revelation I've had but because I was just too lazy to give in to my usual people pleasing characteristics. I had a tea party with some cakes, sat in the same chair for most of the day and laughed with my guests as they came in and out of my house bringing lots of love with them and taking barakats (take away treats) away as they left. Thats the kind of birthday I've always wanted and I guess as I am coming of age spending quality time with a small group of really great people is more meaningful than having a really well thought out party plan.

All in all my birthday was simple and incredible! A happy day for a change just the way I wanted it, no frills no fuss. Instead of being in my usual sombre state as I mourned the days closer to my inevitable death while faking a pretty smile, I really felt so cheerful and grateful for all the wonderful people in my life and all the lessons I have learnt along  with it. I  am excited to be 22, to be older and to gain more and more lessons as I become the woman I was set out to be. Growing up is really complicated; its a whirlwind of heartbreak, happiness, confusion and insecurities, but at the end of the day its fun looking back at how we once thought of life and our outlook. So far I have learnt the most crucial lessons of my existence. I've learnt that heartbreak & disappointment - in all its forms-  is the best and worst thing that could ever happen to you (but mostly the best). Disappointment is the fuel of ambition, with every bitter taste the longing for something sweeter will lead you on the path to it. I've learnt that every mistake is a lesson and if repeated you're just not learning it yet. Lastly, I've learnt that all success stems from absolution; it is never too late to seek forgiveness even from oneself and most importantly from the highest of higher powers. If you can forgive yourself as you forgive others (and vice versa) then you are standing on the pivot of success as a human being and from there the options are endless!

keep dreaming, keep believing.
x x x
Aisha B 

My best friend made me this cute picture for my birthday! I love it so much :)